Female sexuality is much more complex than male sexuality. It is based on several closely related aspects such as communication, fantasy, tenderness, emotional intimacy, and self-esteem.
Understanding vaginismus without shame or taboo.
Some women experience pain, blockage, or an inability to penetrate.This is referred to as anticipatory pain despite desire, love, or the urge to have sex. It is not a whim, a lack of will, or a problem with love; it is purely a psychological block.
What is really happening?
A persistent or recurring difficulty for women to allow the introduction of a penis, finger, or any other object, even when they desire it.There is a phobia and an anticipatory fear of painful experiences associated with involuntary pelvic muscle contractions.The body contracts involuntarily, automatically, and persistently, preventing vaginal penetration. It acts as if to say, “I don't feel safe.”
Vaginismus may be linked to:strict sex education “sexuality and body taboo” .
:comments from the mother during childhood, difficult birth, miscarriage, stillbirth.
: physical intrusion, gynecological examinations during childhood without information, frequent suppositories and enemas
: psychological intrusion, lack of privacy, opening of mail, listening in on phone calls, open bedroom and bathroom. : infantile woman, strong mother-daughter bond preventing her from fulfilling herself sexually, lack of knowledge about her body's anatomy.
: anxious anticipation of pain during sexual intercourse.
: difficult or traumatic sexual experiences.
: pressure to perform or “marital duty.”
♥ What many women feel :
Shame, guilt, fear of disappointing their partner, feeling abnormal, low self-esteem, and withdrawal marked by avoidance of intimate situations and a decrease in emotional exchange, which can have negative repercussions on marital dynamics.
These symptoms can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and even emotional distance within the couple, thereby reinforcing the disorder through an anxiety-inducing cycle of interaction.
The good news is that vaginismus is not inevitable and can be treated.
Sex therapy for vaginismus is based on an integrative biopsychosocial model. It relies mainly on cognitive and behavioral approaches, psychoeducation, and gradual exposure, aiming to reduce anticipatory anxiety, dysfunctional beliefs related to pain and sexuality, and pelvic muscle hypertonicity.
The therapeutic intervention focuses on restoring a sense of physical security, gradually desensitizing the patient to anxiety-provoking stimuli, and reclaiming the body, while strictly respecting the patient's consent and pace.
Physical and sensory exercises are introduced gradually, without any pressure to perform, in order to reduce defensive reactions and achieve lasting functional improvement.
Talking about vaginismus is already a first step towards relief.
If you recognize yourself in these words, you are not alone.
Chourouk Mrade
Psychotherapist and clinical sexologist.
